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A wailing siren caught my attention while driving in a busy city this week. You know how it goes – at first, it’s hard to determine what it is (fire, police, ambulance) or where it’s coming from. It got louder until, away in the distance, threading through traffic I spotted flashing lights in my rear vision mirror.
Murray Smith
Driving in double lanes, I pulled left, preparing to make way – most other drivers began their own manoeuvres peeling left and right, melting a thoroughfare for the rapidly approaching fire engine. But one driver, entering a single lane roundabout, maybe in shock or a state of ambivalence, cruised along, blithely blocking the fire truck with lights flashing and deafening siren… a blaring horn sent this car careening off the road and the exceedingly purposeful fire-crew barged on through. In that brief moment. Putting out a fire, took precedence over everything.
The fire-crew’s dedication to averting a crisis, got me thinking about averting another national crisis our communities face. Far less prevalent than houses devastated by fire, are homes being scarred by ‘flames’ of domestic violence and relationship conflicts.
Fighting a fire, with more fire is a terrible strategy for extinguishing flames. Yet often, that’s how it rolls… out of hurt, anger or reaction, people erupt, go on the attack and a raging fire is stoked with counter accusations and aggressive responses being exchanged. And it’s worse when accelerated by alcohol or drugs.
Addressing matters at hand quickly, with appropriate strategies could prevent damaging melt-downs. Among the most common points of ignition for relationships ‘catching fire’ are angry altercations, or when grudge-filled offences arise. Our word ‘offence’ comes from a Greek word, ‘scandalon’, which was the bait used to lure an animal into a pit of spears, impaling it. When people are hurt or offended (taking the bait), it creates seething withdrawal or volatile attack- once lit, such consuming fires rage out of control.
The Bible is full of great advice on how to extinguish flareups in any relationship.
In Proverbs it tells us, “A soft answer turns away anger.” So true…a determination to never erupt angrily, rather adapting a quietly spoken, gentle manner, suppresses potential for the sparks to fly.
I knew a man who while driving, was pulled over by a policeman. The driver was in a hurry. His smouldering irritation with the cop who was at first very courteous, grew into a fiery blaze which proved hugely regrettable – and costly.
Purposing to operate out of the opposite spirit to anger or actions that make you feel attacked, dissipates rather than escalates situations. The greatest example of this is Jesus who told us to, “bless those who curse you.” And also, “When He was reviled, He did not revile in return.” In the Bible the word ‘revile’ means to abuse, to mock or attack with evil words.
The focussed nature of that fire truck crew was impressive – nothing was going to block their goal of getting to those flames and dousing them. That same level of diligence in protecting relationships from going up in smoke, equally warrants every effort.
