Recently I spoke at a gathering on the topic of ‘offences’. The feedback suggested this was a very relatable issue for many. Being human and just interacting normally with others in the course of life, we’ll inevitably encounter multiple opportunities for ‘taking on’ offences that come our way… we’ll find irritating things about people’s behaviour, their beliefs or choices… certain things will bug us. Their practices, manner, style, their ‘wiring’… somehow they grind our gears. They offend us. But equally, we too could well be the cause of offence to others in various ways…perhaps they find us disagreeable or see us as irritable and intolerant……(fill in the blank).
Murray Smith
I’ve come to see that being offended is a choice we make; it is not simply a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or some circumstance. Taking on board an offence is a choice. It’s not necessarily a fact, it’s a feeling. A person might claim that it’s their right holding onto an offence – that it’s entirely justifiable – yet the ‘internal’ damage it does to them is incalculable. Offended hearts become ‘breeding grounds’ for bitterness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, isolation, loneliness, judgmentalism, criticism and so many other disordered, undesirable personality traits.
We can’t remain healthy nurturing and brooding over feelings of pain or injury we’ve felt from other’s words and actions… imbibing and holding offences, is as destructive as having a wrecking ball crashing around in your inner life… emotionally, mentally and spiritually. At the same time, we must take responsibility for working on not being a cause of offence as best we can.
Throughout society, divisive walls form when offences rise between family members, friends, neighbours, colleagues, associates – wherever there’s people, there’s potential for breaches to rupture even the most solid of relationships and create seemingly unresolvable alienation that can endure for years, even generations.
How ought we respond when ‘offences’ come our way? We must get real – because ‘crouching at the door’ for everyone of us, is the potential to incubate offence. And what we do with it is so important. Forgiveness is such a key to finding release and freedom… and humility, to let offence go.
We faced a time of great national difficulty during Covid. It would be fair to say that the challenges of navigating the polarising range of opinions – pro-vax, anti vax, the mandates and the division that resulted from offences people felt with one another, still exist to some degree. That’s a sad reality largely due to pride and the need many feel to assert their ‘rightness’… to prove their opinion and stance was the right one. Actually, wrongs were done regardless of the position anyone took.
I mentioned forgiveness and humility as essential keys to unlock and dismantle the deadlock of offences. Being courageous enough to choose the path of love, extending forbearance will go a long way. Letting go of hurts or grudges over words spoken, angry, blaming or judging attitudes, breaks down walls and heals divisive rifts.
Here’s timeless wisdom from the Bible in closing… “Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offence.” Proverbs 19:11
